Friday, July 28, 2006
All is not lost, though... Life sucks, true, but it's getting better. "I have to admit it's getting better. Getting better all the time. Yes, I admit it's getting better since you've been mine." ~The Beatles... I mean, in the last year, I've weeded out some people from my life that were just *BEGGING* to be weeded out. Some people who I'd known for *YEARS.* Some people who were "too busy" to give me the attention I deserved, and some people who were just too burnt out on drugs to give me attention... It's funny that I'm addressing this issue again, but I guess when I hit that little "low point," yesterday, that it reminded me, "Yes, things are bad now, but they're not nearly as bad as they were this time last year." I'm not giving anyone "cheap shots," or anything, but it's *AMAZING* how much one's heart heals when one removes certain people from one's life... It's weird that those who claim to *LOVE* you can bring you down, and make you feel like crap... Life sucks... That's been my general assessment of life for the last 17 years... But, removing these poisonous people from my life, and replacing them with people who actually *DO* care about me, and who *REALLY* love me, has done wonders for my bipolar depression thing. How many people do you know who would leave everything behind for you? Who would give up everything in their world just to be with you? *THAT'S* love!!! Someone who stands by your side when things get ugly, and supports you no matter what? My Denise is love! She has given me a whole new reason to tolerate life. She has shown me so much love in the 7 months that I've known her, more love than anyone has ever given me! I love her so much! It's going to be so great growing old with her, and witnessing how much our love can grow! I'm truly thankful for Denise being in my life. She is the glue that keeps my sanity from shattering on to the ground. I love you, Baby Girl!!! <3<3<3
~Nine Inch Nails
i still recall the taste of your tears
echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears
my favorite dreams of you still wash ashore
scraping through my head 'til i don't want to sleep anymore
you make this all go away
you make this all go away
i'm down to just one thing and i'm starting to scare myself
you make this all go away
you make this all go away
i just want something
i just want something i can never have
you always were the one to show me how
back then i couldn't do the things that i can do now
this thing is slowly taking me apart
grey would be the color if i had a heart
come on, tell me
you make this all go away
you make this all go away
i'm down to just one thing and i'm starting to scare myself
you make this all go away
you make this all go away
i just want something
i just want something i can never have
in this place it seems like such a shame
though it all looks different now, i know it's still the same
everywhere i look you're all i see
just a fading fucking reminder of who i used to be
come on, tell me
you make this all go away
you make this all go away
i'm down to just one thing and i'm starting to scare myself
you make this all go away
you make it all go away
i just want something
i just want something i can never have
i just want something i can never have
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Life sucks!
I was so excited about this one... Baby Girl woke up to go to the bathroom around 1am, and I woke up, too. I laid there for, like, 3 hours trying to get back to sleep. I was so excited about the house I couldn't stop thinking about it, and I couldn't sleep... This was going to be the one! I could just *FEEL* it!
However... I should know better by now... QUIT GETTING MY HOPES UP!!! That's been my philosophy for the last 15 years, or so... "Don't bother getting your hopes up, Dude, because nothing ever goes your way!" To quote the Cinderella song... "The more things change, the more they stay the same." Yeah... In a move that shouldn't have surprised me, at this point, the bank did not approve my loan request! Their "First-Time Buyers Program" doesn't cover trailers. And, the house we were looking at *USED TO BE* a trailer. It was turned into a house, but since it was originally a trailer, they couldn't accept my loan application. Yeah, I could still buy the house straight through the bank... But, I don't seem to have a spare $5,000 laying around anywhere ($3,500 for the down payment, and $1,100+ for the closing costs... Basically, $5,000.)... So... Shall I repeat? LIFE SUCKS!!!
So, now, in the process of escaping this landlord's prison, I have, pretty much, ruined my once-"excellent" credit, because I've been turned down for a loan three times... Which means our chances of escaping this prison are very, very slim now... LIFE SUCKS!!!
However... I should know better by now... QUIT GETTING MY HOPES UP!!! That's been my philosophy for the last 15 years, or so... "Don't bother getting your hopes up, Dude, because nothing ever goes your way!" To quote the Cinderella song... "The more things change, the more they stay the same." Yeah... In a move that shouldn't have surprised me, at this point, the bank did not approve my loan request! Their "First-Time Buyers Program" doesn't cover trailers. And, the house we were looking at *USED TO BE* a trailer. It was turned into a house, but since it was originally a trailer, they couldn't accept my loan application. Yeah, I could still buy the house straight through the bank... But, I don't seem to have a spare $5,000 laying around anywhere ($3,500 for the down payment, and $1,100+ for the closing costs... Basically, $5,000.)... So... Shall I repeat? LIFE SUCKS!!!
So, now, in the process of escaping this landlord's prison, I have, pretty much, ruined my once-"excellent" credit, because I've been turned down for a loan three times... Which means our chances of escaping this prison are very, very slim now... LIFE SUCKS!!!
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
I got "Shot Down In A Blaze Of Glory" yet again! Got approved for the loan at bank #2, and everything, but the lady who was selling the house refused to sell it to us! Go figure, huh?
So... Here I am. I'm listening to The Ramones. I'm eating some chicken stir fry out of my lap. I'm drinking some water. Oh, and the keyboard is in my lap, too. {(Ozzy just came in, and tried to take my chicken stir fry away from me! My chicken stir fry is now up on top of the computer.)} My Denise is talking to her mom on the phone in our room... Just setting the mood... Preparing you folks for another announcement... Ready?
...We found another house for sale in Chatty!!! We're fairly in love with it, actually. We like it better than the other house! So, everything just might work out for the better, after all. This new house has 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a garage, a carport, a really nice deck along the back side of the house, and... A shop... A future-studio! Heh heh. So now, I'm going to go back to bank #2 tomorrow, and see what happens. Good feelings with this house, man! Good, good, good!
So... Here I am. I'm listening to The Ramones. I'm eating some chicken stir fry out of my lap. I'm drinking some water. Oh, and the keyboard is in my lap, too. {(Ozzy just came in, and tried to take my chicken stir fry away from me! My chicken stir fry is now up on top of the computer.)} My Denise is talking to her mom on the phone in our room... Just setting the mood... Preparing you folks for another announcement... Ready?
...We found another house for sale in Chatty!!! We're fairly in love with it, actually. We like it better than the other house! So, everything just might work out for the better, after all. This new house has 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a garage, a carport, a really nice deck along the back side of the house, and... A shop... A future-studio! Heh heh. So now, I'm going to go back to bank #2 tomorrow, and see what happens. Good feelings with this house, man! Good, good, good!
Monday, July 24, 2006
Not much changed over the weekend... We're still 65% sure that we're getting the Chatty house. I got approved for the loan at the second bank with no problems at all. "You want $25,000? Okay, sure, it's yours, Mr. Fugitt, Sir." The problem now is with the closing costs on the loan. The seller of the house is responsible for paying part, if not *ALL*, of the closing costs... But, this particular seller doesn't want to pay JACK SQUAT! So... If we get the house, we're going to have to come up with, like, $1,500 for closing costs and insurance! Man, we've just been having nothing but trouble, in trying to escape the clutches of the monkey, who has us imprisoned here in this trailer!
Thursday, July 20, 2006
I kinda feel like the world is against me sometimes... I don't fit into society's rules, and I hate the powers-that-be, who tell us that in order to live we need money. I've always hated their rules, and I always will. I just hate their rules more than usual these days. I'm still planning to infiltrate the system, by the way, I'm just putting it on hold for right now...
In a surprising turn of events, things *COULD* be turning around for us now. I was saying, in an earlier post, that the odds of getting the Chatty house were very slim... Well, the odds just swung in our favor today! There's, like, a 60% chance that we'll be getting the Chatty house after all! I got some encouraging news from the bank today. Now, if we can just get the owner of the house to see things our way... She's getting a little annoyed with all the delays... Just think of how we feel, lady!!! Anyway, there could be hope... We just might be busting out of here, man!
In a surprising turn of events, things *COULD* be turning around for us now. I was saying, in an earlier post, that the odds of getting the Chatty house were very slim... Well, the odds just swung in our favor today! There's, like, a 60% chance that we'll be getting the Chatty house after all! I got some encouraging news from the bank today. Now, if we can just get the owner of the house to see things our way... She's getting a little annoyed with all the delays... Just think of how we feel, lady!!! Anyway, there could be hope... We just might be busting out of here, man!
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
On this day last year, I took a little road trip to Naoma, WV. Thought I'd find happiness there... That didn't pan out, as you all know... I can't believe all the crap that's happened in a year! If I'd known then what I know now... Could've skipped over all that nonsense, and been with my Denise all along, and I would've never hurt... "Everything happens for a reason," I guess. I'm happy happy now, and that's all that matters.
Anyway, I'm taking another road trip, of sorts, today. I'm going to Canada! Canada, Kentucky, that is... Heh heh. Going to look at a house over there. The one in Chatty doesn't like us, or something. We've had all sorts of problems in trying to buy that house. So, today, we're starting the search for another house. We tried to find the Canada house, yesterday, but didn't have very good directions, so we couldn't find it. Today we have good directions, and we're *SO* there, dude. Supposed to meet the guy at 6. Hopefully, it'll be a good house, full of good vibes, and whatnot, and we'll be able to get it, and end all this silliness. Can't take much more of our goofy landlord, and his stupid rules...
Anyway, I'm taking another road trip, of sorts, today. I'm going to Canada! Canada, Kentucky, that is... Heh heh. Going to look at a house over there. The one in Chatty doesn't like us, or something. We've had all sorts of problems in trying to buy that house. So, today, we're starting the search for another house. We tried to find the Canada house, yesterday, but didn't have very good directions, so we couldn't find it. Today we have good directions, and we're *SO* there, dude. Supposed to meet the guy at 6. Hopefully, it'll be a good house, full of good vibes, and whatnot, and we'll be able to get it, and end all this silliness. Can't take much more of our goofy landlord, and his stupid rules...
Friday, July 14, 2006
I had this Jon Bon Jovi song stuck in my head all day, yesterday... I felt like I got shot down in a "Blaze of Glory." The bank shot me down! They wouldn't approve the loan so me and my Denise could buy that awesome house in Chatty... I was "Shot down in a blaze of glory." Sucks! But... There is still a little, tiny glimmer of hope! I'm going to try a different bank, Monday. Keep your fingers crossed for us! We kinda dig this house, man! That's why I posted pictures of it, yesterday, and all... If this bank refuses to accept our love, then we'll be forced to find a different trailer, or apartment, or hole in the ground, or something...
“Blaze Of Glory”
~ Jon Bon Jovi
I wake up in the morning
And I raise my weary head
I've got an old coat for a pillow
And the earth was last night's bed
I don't know where I'm going
Only God knows where I've been
I'm a devil on the run
A six gun lover
A candle in the wind
When you're brought into this world
They say you're born in sin
Well at least they gave me something
I didn't have to steal or have to win
Well they tell me that I'm wanted
Yeah, I'm a wanted man
I'm a colt in your stable
I'm what Cain was to Abel
Mister catch me if you can
I'm going out in a blaze of glory
Take me now but know the truth
I'm going out in a blaze of glory
Lord I never drew first
But I drew first blood
I'm no one's son
Call me young gun
You ask about my conscience
And I offer you my soul
You ask if I'll grow to be a wise man
Well I ask if I'll grow old
You ask me if I've known love
And what it's like to sing songs in the rain
Well, I've seen love come
And I've seen it shot down
I've seen it die in vain
Shot down in a blaze of glory
Take me now but know the truth
'Cause I'm going down in a blaze of glory
Lord I never drew first
But I drew first blood
I'm the devil's son
Call me young gun
Each night I go to bed
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
No I ain't looking for forgiveness
But before I'm six foot deep
Lord, I got to ask a favor
And hope you'll understand
'Cause I've lived life to the fullest
Let this boy die like a man
Staring down a bullet
Let me make my final stand
Shot down in a blaze of glory
Take me now but know the truth
I'm going out in a blaze of glory
Lord I never drew first
But I drew first blood
And I'm no one's son
Call me young gun
I'm a young gun
~ Jon Bon Jovi
I wake up in the morning
And I raise my weary head
I've got an old coat for a pillow
And the earth was last night's bed
I don't know where I'm going
Only God knows where I've been
I'm a devil on the run
A six gun lover
A candle in the wind
When you're brought into this world
They say you're born in sin
Well at least they gave me something
I didn't have to steal or have to win
Well they tell me that I'm wanted
Yeah, I'm a wanted man
I'm a colt in your stable
I'm what Cain was to Abel
Mister catch me if you can
I'm going out in a blaze of glory
Take me now but know the truth
I'm going out in a blaze of glory
Lord I never drew first
But I drew first blood
I'm no one's son
Call me young gun
You ask about my conscience
And I offer you my soul
You ask if I'll grow to be a wise man
Well I ask if I'll grow old
You ask me if I've known love
And what it's like to sing songs in the rain
Well, I've seen love come
And I've seen it shot down
I've seen it die in vain
Shot down in a blaze of glory
Take me now but know the truth
'Cause I'm going down in a blaze of glory
Lord I never drew first
But I drew first blood
I'm the devil's son
Call me young gun
Each night I go to bed
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
No I ain't looking for forgiveness
But before I'm six foot deep
Lord, I got to ask a favor
And hope you'll understand
'Cause I've lived life to the fullest
Let this boy die like a man
Staring down a bullet
Let me make my final stand
Shot down in a blaze of glory
Take me now but know the truth
I'm going out in a blaze of glory
Lord I never drew first
But I drew first blood
And I'm no one's son
Call me young gun
I'm a young gun
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Visions Of The Future
We've been trying to get a loan, these last few weeks... A loan to buy a house... A house that I mentioned in a previous post... A house that's located in Chatty. Here are some pictures of the house, as it looks right this minute (Note: We have not bought the house yet, and have not did any work to it, so it's a bit of a mess right now...):
Side view:
The future sight of the new Cruel Music studio??? (Working title, "The Shop," as in the music shop...):
Side view:
The future sight of the new Cruel Music studio??? (Working title, "The Shop," as in the music shop...):
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
A little ditty about my soul mate, Denise...
"New Tattoo"
~Motley Crue
I’ve been out drinkin with the boys again
Sorry I’m calling after 2 a.m.
There’s something that I need to say to you
I know it’s lateBut this can’t wait
I just got a new tattoo
One love, one woman
You’re my new tattoo
Tonight is the very first night of my life with you
Until the day I die
I promise it’s true
Everyone will see my new tattoo
Tonight I saw your face up in the stars
Stumbled here to paint you on my arm
There’s something that I need to say to you
So I wrote this song
Cause you belong
Right here on my new tattoo
One love, one woman
You’re my new tattoo
Tonight is the very first night of my life with you
Until the day I dieI promise it’s true
Everyone will see my new tattoo
Tonight I saw your face up in the stars
Stumbled here to paint you on my arm
Stumbled here to paint you on my arm
There’s something that I need to say to you
So I wrote this song
So I wrote this song
Cause you belong
Right here on my new tattoo
I don’t want to see us fade away
I don’t want to be without you another day
I could be your dorian gray
I won’t fade away
No, I won’t fade away
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)