Hey, who needs a digital camera?!

You know what I hate the most about this office job? I'M NOT GETTING ENOUGH EXERCISE! I didn't even notice it, man, but, the other day, Steve said, "You're getting too used to sitting on your ass all day, and you're getting fat," or something along those lines. So, I went home, looked in the mirror, and, by golly, Steve's right! I'm getting fat! Like the latter-days Jim Morrison, or Elvis, or something. Am I dying? Hmm... The weird thing is, I haven't really gained any weight. I've been 180 for the last 4 years. Now, I'm 184. What the crap, huh?! So, yeah, going back to the grocery store will be a good thing! I get plenty of exercise there! Actually, I'm going to start going to the gym, when the weather gets worse. "Citi Gym," as they call it. You're welcome to join me there, you know? I think "Brother JR" is going to start going with me, when I start going. My gut... Man... Wish I had a digital camera! I'd post a picture of this thing! I look like an Ethopian, or something. All bony, and stuff, but with a huge gut. What's happening to me?!

Hey, yeah, I like The White Stripes, too. There's actually a few new bands out that I like! Wow! I'm in shock! I guess the White Stripes are about 5 years old, though, so that's not so new. Gorillaz, and Coldplay, too... Wow. Maybe I *DON'T* like new bands, after all.

I think I've heard "Monster Mash" enough today, thank you... Has Halloween ALWAYS been this cheesey?

That's funny! Listening to Faction, on my way home from my nightly stroll along the floodwall, and they started playing "Black Number 1," by Type O Negative. It's still on, right this minute. I know, because I'm listening to it on my computer now! It's cracking me up. First time I've smiled all day... All month, maybe... Type O Negative. Heh. GAWD, this song is still on!!! I can't believe I used to like Type O Negative, back when that CD came out. Hilarious! Me and Peanut used to really get into them, man. We actually covered this song, "Black Number 1," a few times in Emanon. FUNNY STUFF! Randy is all into them, still. "Dude Randy," as Kmarters know him... Type O Negative. Man... These guys are horrible!

Hey, Happy Halloween, by the way. I saw this girl, dressed up like the girl from "The Ring," on my way home, while I was listening to "Black Number 1. (Oh wow! Song change! The Misfits. "London Dungeon." Faction is having this big Halloween music marathon. I think the Hair Metal channel is, too. Music is so dumb, sometimes...). Anyway, I think the "Ring" girl had the best costume. I saw this one dead cheerleader. That was sorta cool, too.

I missed the White Stripes concert on Left Of Center, last night. I was too sleepy. The concert didn't start until 11. I was long gone by that time. Out cold. I went to bed at 9.

How great is Tom Green?

I'm a few steps closer to learning how to use my Zoom PS-04. Yeah, I've had the thing for, like, 3 weeks now, or something. I've not been inspired enough to use it, so I haven't even took the time to learn how it works. Life sucks.

You know... Some people seem to be against the idea of my decision to return to the grocery store. I've tried to explain things the best way that I can, with my limited understanding of human vocabulary, and all. I don't know how I can make it any clearer. 1- I don't like office work. 2- I don't have insurance at my office job. 3- I don't have vacations at my office job. 4- I was making more money at the store(Yeah... I *KNEW* that would get your attention! MONEY!!! YEAH!!! EVERYONE LOVES MONEY, RIGHT?! That's what life's all about, MAKE AS MUCH MONEY AS YOU CAN!!! It'll give you better status in the afterlife!). 5- I'm not happy at my office job (Not that I'm a happy person to begin with, but when you work at a job you hate, you get even MORE depressed. Trust me.) 6- I was appreciated at the store. I had friends there. I had people I could depend on, if I ever needed a shoulder to cry on. Yeah, they're always available for me. They have time for me. Yeah, so the work gets aggravating sometimes. So what?! It's not like there are any better jobs around here... And, since I'm doomed to spend the rest of my miserable life HERE, I might as well make the most of it! So, for those of you, who think I'm crazy for leaving my "nice office job," do me a favor... BITE ME!!! You don't have ANY idea what it's like! Now. =)

In related news... I'll be back at the groecery store FULL-TIME, starting Saturday. My last week of the office job... Wooo Hooo!!!

Don't know if you've ever been held hostage... I would certainly hope not... But, that's kinda like me. It's nothing new, really. I've BEEN held hostage since... Well, a while now. I was fond of tracing it back to, like, June, but now that I think about it, I've been held hostage since around 1999. Somewhere around there. Yeah, that's about right. Imprisoned. I had a chance to escape in July. I'm glad I didn't, now, in hindsight. I'll get out one day. I swear!

Anyway, just back back from Matewan. I don't know what it is, but that little town always fills me with soothing vibes. I like to go there when I'm troubled, and confused about life. For some reason, Matewan makes me feel better. Maybe it's because it's such a tiny place, and it's on its last dying breath of life, or something. I'm glad it made me feel better tonight. I needed it, man! It was nice to see the stars on such a clear night, too. I was afraid I'd go all the way over there, and not feel anything (I didn't feel anything the last two times I went there. Some people just don't get it, I guess.)

Umm... It's funny when you think you have everything figured out, and then, come to find out, you don't! Like when... Oh, nevermind... But, let me just say, trust is not an easy thing to earn, with me...

And, for that matter, COLDPLAY, too. I've heard 3 or 4 Coldplay songs, and I love them all. Does that make me weird? Is it weird to like Coldplay, Gorillaz, and System of A Down? Hey, yeah! I like Aqualung, too! Ever heard Aqualung? Man, can that dude write songs! Aqualung. Yeah... I think Aqualung is my favorite! Music has sucked for too long! Like I said, ever since 1995, it's like they just quit trying, or something. But, over the last couple years, it's making a big comeback. I think. Does 4 good bands qualify as being a "big comeback?"

In related news, I'm going to see 3 Doors Down with Brother Roger, on November 6. I like 3 Doors Down, too. That should be big fun! It's been too long since I've got to hang out with Roger.

...Not only that, but I also like Gorillaz. Yeah... There! I said it! I've only heard two of their songs, actually... "Clint Eastwood," I think it's called, and "Feel Good Inc." And, let me tell you, these songs make me FEEL GOOD!!! Don't know why, really... I'm kinda serious about this, though. I think I'll buy a couple of their CDs. I've been putting it off for a while, because I know that every "new" band I've discovered since 1995 has let me down. I think I'm going to try Gorillaz out, man. It's not very often that good art comes along. When did System of a Down come along? 2001? Oh, okay. Nevermind.

Umm... Yeah, I still have 2 jobs. 3, if you count Ford. But, I'm on a leave of absense with him, so I guess that doesn't count.

Job 4

Okay... So, maybe I was wrong. MAYBE. I'm rarely wrong, by the way, but when I am, I'm man enough to admit it. I was WRONG, so wrong! Wrong on a couple matters, actually. But, today, I'm only going to discuss one with you (because I'm still just a LITTLE hopeful that I'm wrong about being wrong on the second matter...).

You might have noticed a strange darkness looming over my last few posts. Discussing work, and whatnot. Those of you with a keen eye, or those who know me, or whatever, probably thought, "Man, Junebug's not happy at all these days!" And, you would be right. It's this whole job-thing, you know? I got frustrated, working at the grocery store. I was there for 3 years, and I started thinking, "I don't want to work here for the rest of my life!" So, I went out, searching for a change. SOMETHING to clear my head. I think I was having a midlife crisis, or something. I jumped on the first job opening I saw. Magic Mart. I, obviously, wasn't happy there. I only stuck around for 16 days. So, I went to this office job. Thing is, I wasn't happy there, either. I felt nervous all the time, like I was on the verge of screwing up some important documents, or something. And, then there were times when I'd just sit there, for hours at a time, with nothing to do... The grocery store might have been a little aggravating sometimes, but I was happy there! I had benefits. I had a two-week, paid vacation. I had friends. I knew how to do my job! So... Thursday, I was sitting there at my desk, wondering, "What the crap am I going to do, man?! I can't go back to the store now. It's too late. I'd be starting all over again from the bottom of the ladder. Part time. No benefits. No vacations." Then, as if by a sign from God, the phone rang. It was my store "Brother," Steve!!! He, basically, asked if I was happy there, in my office, and stuff like that. Then, he said something VERY interesting: "You know, you can come back here (at the store). You've not been terminated yet. You can come back with your full benefits, vacation, and everything. It'd be like you never left." I told him I'd think about it. But, there was really nothing to think about. A "No-Brainer," as the yuppies say. I went to the store the next morning, and told Jenny (the office lady) not to send my termination papers in, because I'M COMING BACK! Everyone tried to tell me that I was making a huge mistake, by quitting the store. I just wouldn't listen. I had to find out the hard way. So... This created a delimma. What about my office job?! I, nervously, told my boss. It was clear that I was a broken man... I told him that I'd stick with him for a couple more weeks, until he finds a suitable replacement. I have a lot of respect for him, and he's been really good to me in the time I've been there, so I wouldn't have it any other way. Yes, that meant 2 more weeks of being miserable, and nervous, and whatnot, but it won't be so bad, because, in the mean time, I'm going to work at the store a couple days a week. Just to keep me in the payroll system, and stuff. So, I'm hoping the happiness of being back with my GROCERY STORE FAMILY will kinda balance out the depression of being in that office. My first day back at the grocery store was yesterday. It felt SO GOOD! Everyone had a million questions for me, as if I'd been away on some distant journey, or something. And, in a way, I was! I told Steve something, jokingly, about my experiences... But, I was actually dead serious, if that makes sense. Heh. I said, "I've been trying to find myself. Soul searching. I couldn't find me anywhere!" And, that's very true. I feel horrible about the office job, and I'm truly sorry for my boss there, because I wasn't the person he thought I could be. But, if you're not comfortable at a job after 2 weeks, there's a good chance you never will be, and you'll probably just make things worse by staying. So, I'm very sorry. It just didn't FEEL RIGHT. At the same time, I'm VERY grateful for Steve, and the folks at the store for giving me a second chance. I've never felt so good about going to work, as I did yesterday, at the store. Yeah, it's frustrating sometimes, but I didn't know just how good I had it there, until I left. I have a whole new appreciation for my job now. As I told my grocery store pals, yesterday, "I went out into the real world, and I didn't like it a bit." I'm HOME! So, what if I DO end up working there for the rest of my life? Well... Maybe that's not such a bad thing. It definitely beats the alternative!

I fought the law and the law won

Hey crew! Hey homies! How was your weekend? Mine was weird. But, it had a happy ending. Ummm... I guess I'll tell you about it from the start, huh?

Friday night, the official beginning of the weekend, was lame. I worked for Ford. That always sucks. He was watching the news when I first got there. I heard the news people talking about "Bridge Day 2005." I've been tempted to make the trek up to Fayetteville for the last couple years, just to see what all the hype is about. I did it again this year. The event started Saturday morning. I was itching to go, man. Then, I started thinking that the whole thing, Bridge Day, would be over-run with jocks. So, I didn't go again this year. I bet there was a lot of jocks there, though. I hate those guys! Supposedly, 200,000 people attended. Probably, like, 175,000 of them were jocks. I bet. I just bet! So, yeah, maybe next year... Kinda wish I would've went, now, looking back, in hindsight, and all...

My Saturday was really bad! I was on my way down to the floodwall for my evening walk. And... Well... Something very lame happened. I got a speeding ticket! Heh. Yeah, me! You read that right! Those of you who have road around with me know that I drive like a granny, and I always do the speed limit. But, for some dumb reason, I wasn't doing the speed limit Saturday. The cop clocked me in at 48 mph, in a 35 zone... I still say I was doing 46! Heh. And, well, the little turd gave me a TICKET. The only ticket I've ever got in my life! (A lot of firsts for me, this year....). He said he was just going to write me a "little citation." He gave me the ticket, told me to slow down and have a nice evening, and went on about his merry little way. I looked at the ticket, and saw... $335!!! Yes, THREE HUNDRED, THIRTY-FIVE DOLLARS!!! What is that crap?! I was a little mad, to say the least... Had I went to Bridge Day, I wouldn't have got that ticket.

Sunday was better, though. I took myself a little walk, just to clear my head. I walked up on the Hatfield and McCoy trail. I was questioning my place in the universe, and stuff... Thinking maybe that my goal in life should be to stand up against ABUSE OF POWER. What with my brush with the law, and my hatred for the power-mongers at Magic Mart, and the fact that I hate society's rules, and, and, and... But, then, I changed my tune. It sounded a lot like, "All You Need Is Love." Heh heh. Yeah, I remembered how artificial all that crap is, and how love is all that matters, so I changed my mind. I guess I'll just have to learn to live with society's rules for a while longer, because I don't feel like fighting. I just want to... Well, you know... Love...

Today was strange. It wasn't, technincally, the weekend, but I guess I should mention it. I got my notary public, today. Yeah... How weird is that? I had to be sworn in, and everything! So, if you have any important documents that need to be notarized, don't hesitate. I'm your huckleberry! Heh.

When I was little, everyone would ask me, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" My answer was always the same... "I don't know." They'd look at me, in disbelief, and then laugh nervously, and say, "Oh, you'll figure it out. You've got plenty of time." I still don't know what I want to be... And, I DON'T have plenty of time anymore...

I REALLY think I should persue this thing, you know? It's kinda eating away at me now. I felt this back in June, but I dropped it to chase a dream. Now may be the time to pick it back up.

Appreciate your concern, you'll always stink and burn... I'm not really mad. I'm just mad that everyone can see right through me. I used to be able to hide my emotions, you know? I'm a very private person. I like my pain to stay private. I don't like it when people see me crying.

Hey, is it me, or does System of a Down really rock? I'm really likin' 'em, man! They remind me so much of Faith No More it's silly. Faith No More were (and still are) one of my favorite bands, by the way. Really love the Faith No Mores!

Work tomorrow... Man... Wish I wasn't so weak, or else I'd fight the good fight myself. People shouldn't have to work! It's not right! I guess some people don't have to work, because of Columbus Day. Dad, you just don't know how lucky you are...

I'm going to bed. I have to work twice tomorrow, actually. Ford is back in the picture. What fun! So, I should rest. (But, since they're playing "Pretty Noose" on Octane right now, I'll stick around for a minute...) .

Slavery

Jim Morrison said it best. "You're all slaves! Letting people control you, and push you around!" It's so very true. I wish we had someone like that today, who could get the message across. It really doesn't seem fair at all to me. We work a third of our lives away. What is the point?! What does it accomplish?! Money?! Come on, man! Money isn't everything! Shake things up a little bit! Yeah... I make a good spokesperson, huh? All I've been posting about, lately, is my job... It's all so artificial, man! Society's rules are so screwed up! Why do we have to work?! That isn't what life is about at all! I've been screaming this to the top of my lungs for the last 10 years. It isn't that people don't believe me. They just need a little guidance. We need someone like Jim Morrison! Where are all the good rock stars? Why can't we have another John Lennon? Someone who's going to tell us the truth: "Love is all you need." It sucks!!! We go to work every morning, and do the same tired routine. Work, work, work... We look forward to the weekend. Two days off! No work for two days! What's the point?! We've just got to go right back Monday, and start the process all over again!

LOVE IS THE ANSWER!!!!!

NOT MONEY!!!!

END SLAVERY NOW!!!!

Wish I Would've Wrote This....

"Beside You In Time"

Nine Inch Nails

I am all alone this time around.

Sometimes on the sides I hear a sound.

Places parallel I know it's you.

Feel the little pieces bleeding through.

This goes on, and on, and on....

Now that I've decided not to stay.

I can feel me start to fade away.

Everything is back where it belongs.

I will be beside you before long.

This goes on, and on, and on...

We will never die.

Beside you in time.

------------

(It fits perfectly! I've been paying attention to a lot of lyrics, lately. I never was much on lyrics, actually. It was always about the music for me. But, sometimes I'll pick up on something, like "Beside You In Time," and I go, "Hey, wait a minute! That sounds like what I'm feeling!")

Let The Games Begin!

So, as you may have guessed by now, I've been on a bit of a quest, lately. A quest of self-improvement, and whatnot. So, after months, I finally have my head on straight again. I'm ready to take on the world. I think I'll probably win, too. But, that's besides the point. What is the point, you ask? Behold:















Maybe you're wondering, "What the crap is that thing, Junebug?" Well, then, I'll tell you. That thing is what's going to bring Cruel Music back to life! That thing is a digital recorder, the likes of which is used to record MUSIC. Professional-sounding music! Onto Cds, even! My very own portable studio, if you will. As I said before, I've been writing a lot of new songs, but I've not been recording very many, because my recording abilities are limited. Well, NOT ANYMORE! I bought this baby on Ebay, last night. So, in about a week, it'll be in my hands. In about a week, it'll be put to use. In a little longer than a week, you'll be seeing some new MUSIC available at Cruel Music! Exciting, no?

Day 3 (Again!)

Hello. How is your day going? I'm doing much better, thank you. I had a couple bad days there, man. It's hard, you know? It's hard when everything is put on hold, right while the pieces are starting to fall into place. It's just plain hard. Hopefully the dark days are almost over. Hopefully. Anyway... That's not why you called.

I'm currently at work. Yeah, really. Blogging the day away. Kinda. I mean, if you can squeeze 8 hours into the 15 minutes it takes to post this blog, then I'd be blogging the day away. It's boring, though. That's what I'm getting at. So far the highlight of my day has been the last game of Solitaire that I just played. I almost won! I only had, like, 3 cards left. I needed a break from the excitement, so here I am. Bored out of my skull. It's not a bad job. Don't get me wrong. It's just that the lady who used to occupy this seat left, after 13 years, out of the blue. She didn't leave us anything to work with here! We're starting over from scratch. And, until we get things back into some sort of operating condition, this is how it's going to be, I guess. Here I sit... At an old Gateway computer, with Windows 98, and a really slow dial up connection. Very primitive. The web browsers have never been updated, so I can't even surf the web! It's hard to work under these conditions! I kid you not, man! It's weird. I can't even get my blog to load! I'm hoping this partial web page display will be good enough to get my message across... I can't check my Hotmail. I can't look around on Ebay. Nothing! I'm very tempted to buy Windows XP, and throw it on this dinosaur. Yeah, it'll erase everything on the computer, but what good is "everything" to me?! I might as well have something here that I can work with, right? Think I'll bring that up at the next board meeting. Oh, wait... I'm sorry, there is no "board." It's just me and my boss here. Heh.

Okay...

I got another job offer today. A graphic designer. Sounds fun, and all, but I'm tired of changing jobs. I think I'm done now. I've worked at 3 different places in the last 3 weeks! That sucks!

New job... I'm an office manager, which is basically a glorified secretary. I think I like it. Maybe. Who knows?! It's weird to just sit still all day. In an office. Behind a desk. I could, like, totally decorate my desk with pictures of my grandchildren, and stuff. Heh. Yeah... Maybe. It's fun to be crazy! Anyway... I'm alone at this job. I just sit there, and answer the phone every once in a while. It's good. I need to be alone. I need to think. I need to get my head clear. I need to plot my next move. I need to make sense of what has happened to me over the summer. Do I like the job? Ummm.... Maybe. The office is hooked up on a really slow dial-up internet service. How did we ever live like that? I hate that! I guess it's good, though. It keeps me focused on my job, instead of surfing the net.

I just got a call from Magic Mart. Well... My mom answered it, but anyway... It was weird, huh? They seemed to be wondering where I was, or something... Heh. I didn't give a notice! I just didn't show up for the last 2 days. Mom told the female dog, "I believe he quit." I saw one of the managers from Magic Mart in a Chinese restaurant today (Yes... God help us, I'm eating Chinese food now! I'll eat, basically, anything now!). It was just like in the movies! I was trying to hide from him. Crawling around on the floor, and holding the menu up against my face, and stuff... It was funny! Kinda think he saw me anyway, though, or else why would Magic Mart be calling for me? ("Fell On Black Days" is on Octane right now!) I want to feel bad about leaving Magic Mart the way I did, but that place really sucks man! I don't owe them anything! And, if you're a spy from Magic Mart, viewing this right now, you should quit too! The management there sucks! I thought the store was bad... Wow.... So, yeah, I'm not going to mention the name of the office where I'm working now, because I'm afraid Magic Marters will hunt me down, and scalp me, or something...

Typing Skills

I figured that I should probably brush up on my typing a bit, since I'm, basically, a secretary, now. I used to type, like, 35 words a minute, in high school. I think, now, I can type about 8 words a minute. Heh. I don't know what happened to me... So, I'm going to ramble a bit now.

My aunt "10" is goofy. She's been wanting me to go back to the grocery store ever since I quit. My dad, too, actually. Dad wants me to go back, because I had insurance. 10 won't really say why she wants me to go back. She just constantly says, "You miss your store, don't you, honey?" And, "I believe you want to go back to the store." Stuff like that. Weird... I called her a few minutes ago. The first thing she said, when I told her I quit Magic Mart, was, "Are you going back to the store?" Crazy old woman!

A secretary... Hey, you know what's neat about this? My first day of working at Kmart was on October 4, 2001. Well, my first day at this real estate agency will be on October 4, 2005. Heh.

I take "10" to get her groceries every Thursday. Well, almost every Thursday, we'll get on the scales at Wal Mart, just to see how much weight we've been gaining. The neat thing about Wal Mart's scales is that you get your fortune read afterward. Sure, the fortune usually says something like, "Go on a diet," or "Happiness is the key to life," or something useless. Well... Last Thursday, after I got weighed, my fortune said, "You will find a better job." WHAT?! How do you know?! I didn't even tell you I was looking for a better job, man! Freaky... Same thing with this week's TV Guide. My fortune said something like, "Things are finally starting to go your way. Don't get too cocky, but remain optimistic." As if the TV Guide knew what I wrote in my last blog (the one about being pessimistic). Weird, man...

I don't know... I could just type anything, you know? Just something to kinda work on my speed, or something... But, I can't really think of anything. My life just isn't very exciting. So... This is my day off. I'll be around all day. Wanna hang out, or something?

Oh, here's another beach picture. This was an out-take from the photo album. I stand by these signs on the beach, every year, and Mom takes a picture of me there. I was going for it again this year. I was standing there, smiling, forever. It would've been a good picture, if Mom would've just snapped the freakin' picture! Anyway, I thought she got the picture, after about 2 minutes, so I stopped my pose... Then, she took the picture! D'oh! But, my point is... Look how sad I was!

A Couple With My Dad

Beach Pix - Part Two

Oh, Wow!

Strange days, indeed, baby! Something weird happened to me. Right after that last post, I got an email from the job service, saying there was a job opening at a local real estate agency. So, I went to the office, gave them my resume, and got the job! Heh heh. I'll be doing OFFICE WORK! Working a fixed schedule every day! 8:30-5, with weekends, and holidays off. Wow! The kind of job I've always wanted! I'm a little afraid, though. Sounds a little too good to be true. I'm pessimistic by nature. Things usually just don't go my way, man! There must be a catch to it... I don't know... But, I got the job! I start tomorrow. They gave me a key to the office, and everything. Killer! So, I went to the grocery store, and told my friends there the good news. I'm supposed to work at Magic Mart at 1:30, today... Steve said that I should just not show up. Not call, or anything. Just take the day off. And, you know what? That sounds really good! I've not had a day off since the 22nd. I've been working really hard at Magic Mart. Rest sounds awesome! So, that's what I'm going to do! Heh heh. I worked at Magic Mart for 16 days. I didn't really make any friends there. The managers all suck... Abuse of power... So, they can just bite me! I don't want anything to do with them anymore! I'm going to keep my cool name badge, though.

Beach Pix - Part One

These are from August. Kinda new, huh?














This is where we stayed. Home Sweet Sea Cabin.





































(Touching a cactus. Oww!)

Ummm...

I was thinking last night, before I went to bed, that I had something really cool to say on the blog. I was kinda sleepy, though, and just went to bed, hoping to blog today. Well, turns out that I forgot what I was going to blog. Go figure!

I got me a cool, new printer / scanner / other stuff, Saturday. So, I'll be posting new pictures up here soon. Actually... Take this with you!











Really proud of my Magic Mart name badge. Heh. So, yeah, look for new pictures on the web site, and here, too, I guess. There's not much else to do, these days, so I'll probably be doing a lot of scanning. Especially since the newest pictures on the website are from 2001. That should be updated.